i already hear my dad disowning me
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
