Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Randomize
