the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
