Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize