Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize