But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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