she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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