he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just googled if crying burns calories
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
