I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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