Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
