We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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