think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
