When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
