he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
