I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
