Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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