they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
