3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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