Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
