I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
