how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
