If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
