The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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