I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
