i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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