Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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