i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I am one with the molecules
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
