yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
