Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
