god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
