I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
