Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize