seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
