i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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