If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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