Michael Bay diarrhea
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
