Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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