At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
