maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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