i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
