why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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