knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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