My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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