There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I need water and some morals
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
