My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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