Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize