Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I am midnight drunk by noon
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
