i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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