Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
