I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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