At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
