If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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