..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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