Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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