You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
