It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
