I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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