Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
