We're facebook friends in real life
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
