I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
