bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
