Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
