the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
