she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
