Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
