As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
