Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
