My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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