just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
