Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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