no, he came in my armpit
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
