he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize