kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
