Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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