but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
false alarm, still single
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
