Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
