careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
