im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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