idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
