I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
