I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
