Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
