i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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