Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize