You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
