I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize