it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
And then he peed in my hair
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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