If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize