The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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