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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
