You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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