morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
