i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
