Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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