rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
sarcasm needs its own font
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
