Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
