i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
