bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
