Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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