i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize