Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
