why didn't you poke me back
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
