i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
