I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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